no great illusion

"Rae, what she did for me, she fixed me.

2008-12-04T05:06:00.000-05:00

"Rae, what she did for me, she fixed me.But i cant fix her."

2008-11-12T22:26:00.001-05:00

cause i fall and i break just as easy as an egg
my shell isn't as hard as it seems
when my insides gush out there's no telling what it's about
when it'll stop
when it'll seed
when it'll bleed
i just stay in my home, in my home, in my home

the dodos

2008-11-10T17:23:00.002-05:00

gone are the long warm summer days
now its snowing and i need to find my boots
and gloves
and hats
and sweaters
these are not complaints. not one.
time to stock up on soup
hot chocolate
socks
and find a movie watching buddy.

that last one might be a toughy...

2008-11-05T11:33:00.000-05:00

time for change

for america

for the world

for me.

here we go!

2008-11-03T11:09:00.002-05:00

is there anybody out there outside the window

i can hear the wind blow

i can feel it.

is there anyone to keep me from making everything awful

is there anyone out there to meet me outside in the daylight

hologram

2008-08-26T20:44:00.002-04:00

in 5 weeks ive subjected myself to surgery
one tattoo
2 piercings
and a partridge in a peartree.
or rather to packing. of which i have yet to start....
oh buffalo, how you've missed me, i know.
im primed and ready to enjoy you everyday
all day
all night
its right.
yeeeeeessssssss

2008-08-10T00:56:00.002-04:00

taken by a 1 1/2yr old.

babysitting my nieces tonight was a huge wakeup call.
they were fantastic. not one whine, not one cry.
made pizzas, got covered in icecream, gave one bath because
of the icecream coating.
im so ready and so not ready.
someday though.

oh, and noone should have mermaid extentions.
ew.

2008-08-07T22:51:00.001-04:00

listen to the robert plant/alison krauss album.
she really likes it. so do i.

gonegonegone cause you done me wrong

2008-08-06T21:33:00.002-04:00

this is the saddest ive been in a horribly long time
but its only because i was so happy not 8hrs ago.
thunderstorms have always been my favorite
for every reason imaginable.

job? check.
house? almost.
excited? you have no idea.

2008-07-21T22:28:00.002-04:00

DING!!!!
betty rulez. other carz droooolz.
batman so good. mamma mia so cute, but probably the
sappiest movie ive seen in too long.
coming thurs: guts are getting poked.
coming saturday: great fun in the form of a wedding.

2008-07-18T10:45:00.002-04:00

i found that if i turn my computer just right on the
nook table, i can steal some decent internet.
i feel like im back in highschool. a plastic bracelet adorns my
wrist and must stay until next friday. i guess the
hospital will forget who i am and wont trust my word
unless its written on my arm.
i always wanted an id bracelet.
im sad i wont be able to dance to my fullest potential at the
wedding. ill do my best, i promise!

2008-07-08T23:17:00.002-04:00

here im allowed everything all of the time

2008-07-05T11:36:00.002-04:00

i dont like being pitied.
especially when i dont know its happening.
next time, save the drama.
this girls tuff. like the cutz.
otherwise a great weekend was had.
dancing was done, even cool runnings was watched.
and still 2 more days of vacation. yes!

2008-06-30T21:36:00.001-04:00

get smart= !!!
wall.e=!!!!!
wanted= i shall find out in moments

EDIT- wanted was fantastic

2008-06-27T16:28:00.001-04:00

nononononononononono
make my nose stop clogging
i almost got a wonderful weekend off.
now i will spend it warming the couch and filling the
tissue bin.
wall-e?

2008-06-16T20:46:00.002-04:00

ever since i broke that mirror my luck has been getting worse.
what else can i fry/break/destroy prematurely?
surgery got postponed.
paperwork is a bitch.

2008-05-20T22:13:00.002-04:00

i got a new old computer.
its not 10lbs. and goes fast.
YAY.

in other news... im going to see the new indiana jones movie at midnight tomorrow.
anddddd i cant remember the other 3. oops.

2008-05-12T20:13:00.004-04:00

on the eve of my half birthday i will be getting surgery.
its nothing major, but scary nonetheless.
ive never even been gassed let alone put under and sliced into.
bye bye polyp(or fibroid) i will not miss you.
i will not miss being exhausted from 2 months of bleeding.
i will not miss taking so much iron i feel magnetic.
i hope this isnt too forward for the interweb to read.
oh wells.

ps- the photo is linked to more pics of the magnificent fwr.

2008-04-15T21:36:00.002-04:00

its funny that when i finally start eating well, really well, and taking vitamins, and working out everyday, EVERYday, is when i have to go to the doctor.

i believe my body is in shock.

so i stopped, for a week.

still dealing with lady problems but i also feel like shit.

its time to get back on my 7am-11pm schedule. back to fruits and veggies and pilates and a variety of vits.

my mom just told me i cant watch tv next week.

but we were finally going to order cable!!!!!

i guess one more week wont hurt.

2008-03-20T14:27:00.002-04:00

"mindy, you cant leave till im done doing hair, just so you know"
"ha, does that mean im taking over?"
"yes. you can have it all"

what?

but i never make it in the flatlands
i must stay in magic mountain

2008-02-13T19:37:00.002-05:00

i never thought id ever be sad to be a singleton on valentines day.
how superficial.
oh well, it happends to the best of us.

to all those celebrating, happy card/flower/stuffed animal buying day.
to the rest of us, happy 2nd thursday in february.

2008-01-28T14:53:00.000-05:00

who'd thunk id listen to fleetwood mac so much?
that molly would look so babely in a wig?
today im in such a haze, i need to make my body sleep more.
weird dreams and lack of exercise are keeping me up at night.
work it!

2008-01-23T21:16:00.000-05:00

so plans, again, have changed.
no more chicago. it wouldve been great but things have fallen to wayside on that project.
instead im heading ~~south~~ east.
no no, not ~~south south~~ east east.
merely to the greatest city ever to have lived.
surprised?
ny, i will be yours by the end of the year.
yay

(photo credits: mike murray capturing a dude in a tard hat)
(edit: i think we all know i have absolutely no concept of geography, even with a map)

2008-01-16T20:27:00.000-05:00

its been quite an interesting few weeks.

ive changed a little, but its good. very much good. in fact,

so much so i dont really know

what to do about all of it.

i also dont know why i always type "ov" when i mean to type "of".

updates and downdates are greatly postponed but i guess its just

too far along now to really matter.

im asking for a raise tomorrow. one dollar.

one dollar roughly means 120more dollars a month.

its a start.

2007-12-17T19:07:00.000-05:00

can i skip this week? how bout next week, too?
or maybe i'll just hide in natalies suitcase tomorrow. they'll never find me...

2007-11-19T21:08:00.000-05:00

my house is much warmer now.
it will be even warmer when it has the internet blazing thru it.
till then, delayed return facebook messages, few blog posts, and very little interaction with the outside world.
you know where/how to find me in human form.

come to my new house, its truly a gem.
please?

2007-11-06T19:53:00.000-05:00

so i was checking the pictures i had unpacked to make sure they were in my photoalbum and i came across this...

then i laughed a lot.

must be something about 2nd daughters in my family.

i just hope i was as awesome as marcella when i was 3.

and i hope shes as awesome as me when shes 23... hah.

2007-11-04T10:43:00.000-05:00

ohmyohmyohmy

2007-11-04T02:11:00.001-05:00

please stop.
i dont know what you want and it hurts, a lot.
so until you know and can tell me, just leave me alone.
id rather have nothing than a tiny piece, dangling on a string,
just out of my reach.
thank you.

2007-11-03T23:19:00.000-04:00

i performed another act of body mutilation.

well, renatas mom did.
now my ear hates my glasses.

oh and im moving to elmira. yay for sweet room with french doors in an apartment with a fireplace. a real working fireplace.
christmas is gonna be so pretty.

2007-11-02T21:45:00.000-04:00

shit.

she did it.

my mom tricked me into staying until may.

"you should sign up for a photography class at ccc.

you know you get free classes till you're 25."

yep, i know, and im now signed up.

damn it.

she knows all my weaknesses.

2007-10-30T10:58:00.000-04:00

from my womb to my tomb
i guess i'll always be a child.

2007-10-25T01:06:00.000-04:00

if the warm body you sleep next to every night is your cat, please, raise your hand.

would you believe im actually second tallest amongst these ladies?
i dont think thats a tidbit that will get me a nonfeline slumber partner, but it is true.

2007-10-23T22:24:00.000-04:00

i just wrote an entire post and deleted it. it was that bad.

but you know whats worse?
having 2 movies out from netflix from JULY that ive yet to watch.
that means ive paid $45.33 over the course of 3 months just to hold on to them.
yeah i know, im smart and a penny saver.

what are those movies you ask? the abyss, and some japanese movie called good morning.
yep.

2007-10-22T20:59:00.001-04:00

today i saw 2 pick ups with spoilers.

i dont think this should happen. ever.

i also bought things to make my costume.

yep, whazzat kanagroo. better believe it.

2007-10-22T01:49:00.000-04:00

i didnt go to syracuse. i did go to ny. i dont think im going to buffalo till saturday.
i havent made my costume. i hope i can find what i need. i dont have much time.
im very tired from car rides. i should be asleep right now. i had a good weekend.
i need to move. somewhere.
soon.

2007-10-18T11:11:00.000-04:00

dilemma:
a)sign lease and stay in corning one more full year
b)move far far away now with no money

for now i put my feathers in my hair, go to work, then have a lovely weekend of syracuse, nyc, and buffalo.
ps there are too many birthdays in october. sheesh.

2007-10-10T01:14:00.000-04:00

it was the darkest darkest night
in the worstest part of town
and the dirtiest dirtiest rain
was falling falling down
and the blackest blackest man
with the smallest smallest child
riding on his shoulders
with the biggest biggest smile
and her biggest biggest hair
was a darkest softest ring
a perfect little halo
on a perfect little thing

2007-10-07T19:17:00.000-04:00

hi.

can i keep you?

oh whats that, you are $200?

thats ok, i'll save.

2007-10-05T00:40:00.000-04:00

the nerves in my legs are shot.
i itch them, they burn.
i sit, they lose feeling.

i really wish they wouldnt mess with my pictures,
that looks way better than the one they printed. gawd.

2007-09-28T22:36:00.000-04:00

last weekend i took a train to ny, was on the rilo kiley guest list twice (thanks to my "roadie" friend), and had the time of my life.
i dont know what it is about jenny, but i lose my tongue and get all nervous around her. i was completely fine talking to everyone else, even to winona ryder! and cutting jasons (the drummer) hair, totally fine no problems. then i wither to dust. lame. oh well. i'll get over it some day.
but yes, i had the most wonderful time seeing old friends, making new friends, and walking around the city, sigh. one day i'll live there. one day.

2007-09-19T09:02:00.000-04:00

i was serching youtube for the above commercial cause i had thought about it and rememberd it being very funny. but then i saw this one:

its not funny and even less interesting, its chinese and 5mins long BUT... its the entire song 'i will come to you" by my loves, Hanson (-(-\)\) hahahaha i cant even remember the last time i made that symbol. i love being a geek.

2007-09-17T18:09:00.000-04:00

this weekend will be awesome.
anytime i get to spend away from here is time i need, anytime i get to spend in ny is time i dream of.
unfortunately after this weekend i cant go anywhere, do anything till i get bills paid and money saved. no shows, no trips, no life really.
so please, friends, visit a mindy and keep her sane.
le sigh.

2007-09-11T23:23:00.000-04:00

i do not miss buffalo.
i do miss everyone there.
i miss things to do.
i miss cityness.
i miss...

2007-09-02T15:09:00.000-04:00

i have set my sights to the midwest.
late spring 2008 i will no longer be a(n upstate) new yorker.
its time to savesavesavesave like ive never saved (because ive never saved).

2007-09-01T03:30:00.000-04:00

amazingly good dream #17:

im riding with my dad in the car on a clear night that had previously been a very rainy and gloomy day. there is a car behind us not too far away. suddenly my dad swerves sharply to avoid hitting a large white duck that is honking at cars and flalling its wings while running along side the road. though we avoided hitting it easily, the car behind us has a very near miss and hits one of the wings. like in an old cartoon it seems we drive by this same area again very shortly and again, the duck is honking and flapping wildly. my dad again swerves to miss but this time the car behind us hits the duck. at this point im very upset and telling my dad to stop the car, obviously this duck needs help and is trying to get our attention. (now that im writting this all out it sounds very cartoony, but i still love it).

so we stop the car and i see another duck near by and it runs closer to me then honks and motions to me to come closer and to follow it. we come to small barnlike building that has a very large opening in the middle that is more like a hallway roughly 10ft from left to right, entrance to exit, and only about 6feet from this large doorway to the opposing wall. i look at the exit to my left and there is a car that had been there who knows how long sitting in what looked like an underground pipeline, almost like a sewer, with about ankle deep water. to my right a open room with a straw floor, some animals, and a very large box in the middle.

as im standing in this hallway the duck shows me what she needs me to do: as the ducklings leave the box and go to the car they need guidance so they dont run off out the large doorway. so here i am shuffling back and forth along the hallway bent over with my arms stretched making sure these adorable ducklings get from point a to point b all accounted for.

after about 10or so mins the last few babies are called out of the box and get into the broken down car perfectly safe. the large mama duck was so greatful she runs up to me so i can hug her. then other animals, i cant remember what, also made sure i knew my assitance was appretiated, makings noises and coming up tto me so i can hug them.

its not possible for me to figure out what this lovely little dream means, but at least it puts me in a great mood.

2007-08-31T09:56:00.000-04:00

airguitar knee slide.
id like to see you do it in a skirt and heels.

meedley meedley meedley meedley meedley meedley meedley meedley MEEEED!!

2007-08-29T23:58:00.000-04:00

hey, remember this?

yeah, i almost can too.
check out that leg stretch, woo!

2007-08-19T20:20:00.000-04:00

'nuff said.

2007-08-19T09:10:00.000-04:00

im not paranoid, especially about terroist attacks, but i actually had a dream i was part of one:

there was an outdoor movie theater, not a drive in but more like a large screen and a set of bleachers, near the e/c airport. i was there with a bunch of friends and family, but i can only specifially remember natalie l. i dont remeber even watching the movie, just the clouds, but then the normally white fluffy clouds on this particularly sunny day were interrupted by this one awfully dark grey cloud. it was floating toward us at an unnatural speed but as it passed, we all noticed it was filled with missiles. then there were more missiles that werent hidden by clouds, just flying past us and begining to detinate behind us. then came the military vehicals filled with super-armed, gas masked, dark men. we threw up our arms, but not too fast, and stood stiff with guns pointed. they were yelling but no one understood so they had one man acting out what we needed to do: cross our wrists behind our back, lower to our knees, then to our stomachs. then the teargas started to set in but it didnt burn, and i think most of the tears from out group were from our own fear of what was to come next. as we lay with our faces wet and pressed to the grass, it ended. i didnt wake up but i started a new dream. a much better, funny dream that included my sister and nieces. normally when i have weird dreams i wake up all pissed and confused, but im fine and still not scared, maybe cause i already survived my first attack.

2007-08-17T22:17:00.000-04:00

mindy mint chocolate chip, yummi-land ice cream pop girl

too bad i HATE mint chocolate chip and dont want to smell it otherwise id be all over this.

2007-08-15T08:34:00.000-04:00

while browsing through the photo album on my cell phone yesterday i realized ive begun a collection of intersting bathroom art. currently it only contains a couple pieces but i have a feeling it will grow to epic proportions in a short time. enjoy.

maleys(?), corning ny, aug 2

california rollin, rochester ny, aug 12

2007-08-14T20:49:00.000-04:00

cellino is back, and tanner than ever.
just thought id let everyone know.

2007-08-08T22:57:00.000-04:00

yeah, i got a facebook account, what?
i also got a bugbite on my upper right boob region, it dont feel so good.

2007-08-07T22:52:00.000-04:00

hahahaha this is what happeneds when there are too many channels for our own good:

ps dont let your fresh homemade smoothie sit for longer than 5mins, it will turn to yogurt.

2007-08-05T12:27:00.000-04:00

beirut is fantastic.

potatoes

are not.

2007-07-26T22:10:00.000-04:00

What kind of fuckery are we?

2007-07-25T10:29:00.000-04:00

a tale of two cycles

so i have a friend. this friend has a bike simlar to, say, this:
and this friend recently hit a deer while going roughly 70mph on the thruway. the only damage made was to the deer, not even a scratch or a bump to the bike or rider.

i have another friend. this friend rides a bike similar to, say, this:

this friend recently hit a patch of gravel going about 45-50mph on a highway off ramp and lost control totaling his bike and breaking his collar bone after flying thru the air and landing about 100ft from his bike.

moral of the story: would you rather be a biker, a creep, or this amazing man?

T H E E N D

2007-07-23T19:31:00.000-04:00

welcome back (pink hair)
welcome back welcome back welcome back

2007-07-23T00:11:00.000-04:00

ive been baking. all home made, from scratch, no boxes or mixes.

i wish i could do it everyday and afford 2 bottles of crystallized ginger for a batch of lemon ginger scones.

someday.

2007-07-22T09:29:00.000-04:00

when i first left buffalo to come home my mom had said this to me: "dont think this will be a quick fix, it could take 6months to a year for you to be settled enough to move back out on your own. i wont let you leave till you have enough saved to leave."
everyday since then ive had apartment listings shoved down my throat though i still have no money.
ive been home four months and im being kicked out officially.
yesterday i was told they would "help me with a deposit".
im glad im back on me feet with no money and more bills and now i have to pay rent again while im being paid half what i made in buffalo. COOL!
something tells me i wont being staying within a few hours of here in my apartment search...

2007-07-19T21:27:00.000-04:00

i know that the only people who read this also check perez regularly but i have to post this anyways:

HELLOO!!!
so ive been told there are 2 rilo kiley shows scheduled in nyc for sept 22 and 23rd. who wants to go with me so i dont have to drive alone??
hell, who wants to move with me so we can see awesome shows daily? any takers?

2007-07-15T21:41:00.000-04:00

watching madison and marcella grow up is like hopping in a time machine and being a kid all over again. they are my sister and i's living reincarnations.

this was from marcellas 1st birthday, in two weeks she will be 3. madison just lost her 2nd tooth.

oh jeeze.

2007-07-13T03:44:00.000-04:00

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): After studying the astrological omens and consulting with an elite panel of 20 village idiots, my team of horoscope experts has determined that at least once in the coming week you would be wise to wander around town with no particular goal, responding with innocent enthusiasm and hungry curiosity to whatever scenarios you happen to stumble upon, pleased to be educated by the random flow of stimuli that come your way. If you don’t have the courage or leisure to pull that off, here’s the second-best strategy: Go someplace you’ve never been and do things you’ve never done. Third-best: Spend an entire day being naked.

i dont care how many times i see a rainbow, especially a double rainbow, they will forever be magical to me and i will run and squirm and bend and leap so that i can see them.

2007-07-10T20:38:00.000-04:00

i am so iron deficiant i now have to take 3 325mg iron tablets per day. but in turn, i get a full load of nausea and constipation from the iron pills.

ive been doing well with seeing stars and eating every 2hrs so far in life...

soon you'll be able to follow me around with a magnetic pen and make silly eyebrows and beards on me.

2007-07-07T02:53:00.000-04:00

horseheads is suck.
buffalo

is not suck.

le sigh. i am dumb and moved. now i want to go back.

so.

bad.

2007-06-27T08:25:00.000-04:00

how is it you can get a song stuck in your head you haven't heard in years?
right now, mine is "cold hearted snake" by miss paula abdoul. huh.

2007-06-23T19:12:00.000-04:00

there is a dog at the nail place named jessy. she is a maltese-weiner. she has the same colors in her hairs that i had last spring

but she does not dance with a magical twinkling heart like natalie and i do.

but she does look like Falkor.

2007-06-17T23:59:00.000-04:00

geneva to corning
radiohead
tired eyes
fireflies occasionally splatting on my windshield leaving a short lived green glow
grampa sleeping

these are the makings of a perfect drive.

2007-06-16T18:09:00.000-04:00

"dangerouis stunts"

new phone, new service, same number.

i think ill be able to get the 30th off, then i can dance on friday AND watch some "dangerouis" stunts on sat. fer riz.

i miss buffalo and everyone there.

ps i want to apologize again for any offensive language in the previous post. pms + wine + purse theives = word vomit

2007-06-15T02:34:00.001-04:00

my purse got stolen.
so dont call my cellphone, hope i can just get my old one turned on tomorrow.
and dont open any new credit cards with my ss card and my license, just kidding, you wont get far with those anyways.
umm still have my ipod, and really thats all i care about. so ha! fuck you bastard n****** (you will never hear me say that word ever again) i know you wear red matching tshirts and go to gay bars. fuck you for taking the best damned purse to ever rest upon my shoulder.
RIP nine west purse i got for $18 and made me happy for a year. are eye pee.

[edit: drunk mad mindy is not nice at all.]

2007-06-05T10:04:00.000-04:00

She said you'd given up,
Your folks told me you should be left alone,
On a mountain top knocking the aeroplanes down with stones.

2007-05-30T00:18:00.000-04:00

this is what you will find when you are bored and end up on the st marys webpage after you find out when the festival is. at least i did.

by the way, its this weekend and its supposed to rain. poo.

2007-05-26T22:27:00.000-04:00

i watched the fountain today and it made me wonder why there cant be more cool movies.

does every awesome fantasy movie have to link back to reality, back to life, back to reality?

even pans labyrinth did it.

get over it, movie makers! movies arent real life! bring back jim henson!

2007-05-24T13:51:00.000-04:00

pulp- common people = best song for the final speed burst while treadmilling
the pain in my hips makes me walk like a fat lady = i got too enthusiastic during my treadmilling

speaking of...

2007-05-22T21:16:00.000-04:00

"you own 200 pairs of shoes, you wear 2 = style"

-isaac mizrahi

meh, what can i say...

2007-05-19T21:30:00.000-04:00

it appears that i am 74.69.141#

boop boop bip... who are you?

2007-05-18T18:28:00.000-04:00

John Locke cannot die.
i will NOT allow that.
nor can Charlie.
lost is making me sad and theres only the season finale left.
pooooooooooop

ps new job = awesome
waiting for my bank account to let me move to ny = not awesome

2007-05-13T21:46:00.000-04:00

when the day is over

that will tell me what to do

hopeless affection

my big old red hearts turnin blue

i lied when i said i didnt love you

i lied when i said i didnt care

lookin out the window

you are here and im over there

mother father sister brother

these are things that really matter

oh mother father sister brother

these are things that really matter

2007-05-07T11:31:00.000-04:00

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Many of us have a superficial notion of the nature of healing, writes Philip Kingsley in his book In the Dark Places of Wisdom. We think that “healing is what makes us comfortable and eases the pain.” But the truth is, “what we want to be healed of is often what will heal us if we can stand the discomfort and the pain.” Make this your central theme for now, Sagittarius. See if you can stave off your urge for ease as you marinate longer in the aching confusion. “If we really face our sadness,” says Kingsley, “we find it speaks with the voice of our deepest longing. And if we face it a little longer we find that it teaches us the way to attain what we long for.”

2007-05-01T15:15:00.000-04:00

24-hour robot

2007-04-30T22:48:00.000-04:00

i think i bruised a rib from coughing.
today was my last day at master cuts.
hopefully this week i'll be able to make some rounds before i start at ajs.
adventures in babysitting is one of the greatest movies ever. ever.

2007-04-25T01:41:00.000-04:00

i learned today that scientists are creating a star to be used for energy production.

2007-04-23T21:20:00.000-04:00

i love mystery rolls of film. you just dont get that with digital.

2007-04-20T00:18:00.000-04:00

i wish i had a picture of myself to compare this to.

i also wish i knew what i did with those sunglasses.